Birthing little humans changes our lives….drastically! We all know that. Yes, it’s God’s biggest blessing and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love my kids and would do anything and everything for them. That, however, doesn’t take away from reality. Parenting is a whole lot of work and time is always going against you for some reason. At least that’s how I feel! Prior to kids my life was about work, travel and good times. Independent living, pick up and go whenever I please and all that good stuff.
After two kids (a toddler and an infant to be exact, just so that you can get a better idea) it takes me hours to get ready. No, I simply cannot pick up and go because there’s a diaper bag to prepare, mouths to feed, diapers to change, cleaning and disinfecting the house, laundry, car seats, and strollers and the list goes on and on. Although I still do activities with my kids, it’s never as much as I’d love to get done. That’s why the question usually protrudes my thoughts.
Am I a “present mom”?
Now clearly I’m present. My body is physically there. But am I “PRESENT”? Often times I find myself going down the guilt road about actually being present. Keeping up with the house chores, groceries, doctors appointments, entertainment……. it all takes up a lot of time. In the midst of getting things done, I lose the perception of what being “present” should be.
From conversations with fellow mommies I’ve realized that I’m not the only mom that struggles with this. I took the liberty to ask some family and friends what they believe is the definition of a present mom. These were some of the answers I received.
– My definition of being a present mom, would start off with me trying to put a separation between my busy days at work and being a mother. A lot of times we get so distracted by all that’s going on we forget that our children need certain types of attention from us. Also, having a separation between the woman of the family and just being the mom to my child sometimes. Especially in my marriage, I find that I need to be able to balance wife and mother a little better. I take the frustrations of both relationships out on the wrong ones. Regardless of how tired I am, I think for me to have a better presence as a mother, I need to be able to push past that and still help with homework, reading with him, watching tv, and even going back to taking him places, just him and I. And number one I think it involves talking to our children, because in today’s society, there are so many obstacles for our children and so many negative influences, we just need to remain a comfortable person for them to talk to, no matter the subject.
-My input on being a present mom. I think with the age they are at now (2under 2) being present would be playing with them and teaching them new things, even when you’d rather take a little longer in the shower or lay down and be on your phone…etc. When they are in school it would be to sit down and do homework together. Ask them all about their day. Leaving stress at the door and not bringing negative vibes into the home.
-I would say self care first…if a mother doesn’t take care of themselves first (mental, emotionally etc), then they won’t be fully available for their child.
– I mean I’ve come to terms that I won’t be the perfect mom or always present. It does take some time to accept you can’t be everything but as long as you try to me that’s all that matters. Monday -Friday is tough to always be… but on the weekends or during special occasions I create memories for them or our own traditions.
– I feel like as long as a mother is present and thinks she’s not doing enough is already a perfect mom to me. A mother who wants to do more and doesn’t go around acting like everything is enough for a mother a child deserves the world and more so it will never be enough.
After multiple conversations with mothers of different age groups as well as non-mothers, there’s only one conclusion I can come up with. Baby’s do not come with instruction manuals. All kids are different and have different demands and needs. As mother’s all we can do is try as hard as we can to do what we believe is best for our kids. If we have a chance to question our ability to be present moms, chances are we are! One of the most important things we need to do is stop being so hard on ourselves and each other.
