Do you take the time to celebrate the small wins, or do you lay at night restless thinking about everything that went wrong during the day in your mom life?
On a scale of 1-10, what is the level of your mom guilt?
I am still working on this but recently had to be reminded to celebrate my small wins. Once I wrote a blog post about this very topic, I will review some parts and recollect the moments and how they play a role in the present life. The blog post titled, Mom Guilt Is Real, You Are Not Alone” was written six years ago; I am still working on or perhaps what I needed to be reminded of. Join me so you can learn to give yourself some grace and lighten up on yourself because, “mom, you rock, and you are not alone!”.
Mom Biz Life Backstory
I became a wedding photographer back in 2008, so when I wrote this blog post, I had been in business for almost seven years. My boys were eight and ten years old, and now they are fourteen and sixteen. I was living in South Carolina, and my wedding photography business was dying. I had become lonely in the new place and also depressed. My husband was traveling a lot for work, and I was overwhelmed. I had worked on my business so hard in New Jersey, and now I was in this new place where things were a lot different and not what I used to.
Spending Time with my Sons
The first thing I want to address from that blog post is that I felt like I didn’t know how to spend time with my boys. I was working from home, but I kept almost running away from them out of fear as I didn’t know what to do.
I said, “What do I do with my kids?” I am a mom of boys, and Pokemon, Spongebob, and other strange things were not my alley. “So, we can’t play house or something, and I dress up barbie dolls as I did growing up in Newark, NJ?”
What Angie said to me felt like a breath of fresh air. She said, “They love you and just want to be around you, so spend ten minutes a day with them doing whatever they want, even if you are just sitting there.” It was the best advice for me, and it is simple, I know, but it was the most influential.
I am Brazilian and came from a different background growing up. I was never the volunteer PTO mom, and if you are, that is great. I am also an entrepreneur who has been working from home for over twelve years.
Photo by Sam Robles
Stop Focusing on the Guilt
Isn’t that funny? We don’t see the wins; we focus on the failures. Mom, I am here to tell you don’t do that. Instead, celebrate the small wins of even showering, especially during these crazy Covid times.
Now I still have to remind myself to stop working and take time out for each child. They are now so expressive, and it’s essential I actively listen to them and spend time with them.
My dream hasn’t changed from 2015 as I shared
“My true dream in life is to serve God, provide for my kids, be an example for my kids, serve my clients, inspire others and be a great companion to my husband….and still not lose myself in the process.”
Celebrating the Small Wins Every Day
“It is easy to look at myself and point to my flaws as a mom, but today I publicly want to celebrate the little wins, and I want to encourage you to celebrate the little wins, too. If you don’t go easy on yourself and celebrate the little milestones, the guilt will eat away at your soul. You will make your family unhappy, you will feel trapped, and you won’t live to your full potential. You are special, flaws and all.”
To my mom friends, if you are tossing and turning at night feeling guilty all the time, then I want you first to take a deep breath. Second, remember you are a human and a person, and your identity is not just mom. You need self-care, and you need your cup full to be the support for others.
Stop Comparing Yourself
This section was not part of my original blog post, but this post came to me as I am adding this post here on the back end.
Why? Well, Social Media has changed a whole lot in the last six years. We get so caught up in what other moms are doing online that we forget we are just watching the high light reel. Perhaps this is why Tik Tok has taken off so much; we see more authentic stories, vulnerable moments, and funny because we sure need the humor to face this world. So mom, STOP THE COMPARISON GAME. It is a trap.
Also, be very careful who you surround yourself with. Sadly some people don’t want the best for us; they suck the life out of us. You will feel it. If it’s bad energy, stay away even if ist relatives. It would be best if you protect your energy and your children’s energy too.
Tomorrow is a New Day So Let’s Celebrate Today
Grab a notebook and write down the small wins today!
- I didn’t fully panic on the outside as I was doing a major Facebook live interview yesterday, and my son has the phone telling me my stepdaughter flattened the tire instead of filling it. Yes, I was sweating inside as she had a job interview and wasn’t replying to us, but I was also honest. I let the host know I needed to check the phone, and it was an excellent time to remind him and folks watching that I am a mom and these things now, thanks to Covid, are more acceptable.
- I got my hair washed and styled at a salon. It felt so great to pamper myself like that. This also allowed me to support a local business which is something that is dear to my heart.
- I attended my friend’s one-year anniversary event, which helped me unwind as well.
- I ordered food since I didn’t have time to cook.
- I handled the AC guy coming over and the quote and process since my husband was working.
- I drove my stepdaughter to her interview after the car fiasco.
- I had a sit down with the boys explaining to them that they need to troubleshoot things more instead of asking me for everything as I have been overwhelmed lately. It was a good talk, and then later, while asking for their food order, Josh asked me if the restaurant had lemon pepper chicken, and I said, you see what I mean. Then he turns and says, I will check on the website. I gave him a fist pump and thanked him.
- I apologized to my husband for being short earlier that day, and we chatted about his workday before I left for my event.
When we make a list, we actually have more to celebrate then feel bad about honestly, don’t be hard on yourself.
So what are your small wins? DM us on Instagram or comment here below. Remember, done is better than perfect; you are human, be easy on yourself.