If you struggle to make decisions, parenting can be that much harder…

If pregnancy caught you by surprise (whether it is the first or third), as is the case in 49% of pregnancies in 2006, according to the CDC, then a lot of the decision-making process was already out of your control. However, if you belong to the other 51% of pregnancies or if you “always knew you wanted to be a parent since you were little”, then you have been unintentionally making decisions for your baby since before you met your spouse.

Although this might sound naïve, and as a first-time mom there are a lot of things I am lacking knowledge and experience regarding; the amount of choices and their impact on my young daughter’s life has overwhelmingly caught me by surprise.

     Without realizing it, by choosing:

1. Which clubs or activities I sign her up for, I have decided how well rounded and skilled she will be.
2.  A school for her, I have decided how much access she will have to academic resources and future opportunities.
3. A specific house, in a particular neighborhood, I have decided who my daughter will become friends with.
4. An individual to become my spouse, I have decided the kind of home she will grow up in.
5. A particular career while I was in college, I have decided how much money I am able to save for her own post-high school education.

This infinite regression of seemingly arbitrary choices is particularly difficult to process when I see them written down in black and white. The truth is, a lot of us don’t feel like we had much of a choice when choosing these options for our children. We most likely picked the house we could afford (and for some of us the choices were slim). We probably chose the preschool that was closest to work because we know we can’t clock in late. We feel guilty that we haven’t actually picked any extra-curricular activities for our kid yet because time and money are both scarce.

However, even when the choices have been forced upon us, there are a few things we can control and choose to do.

I will teach my child:

1. That there is a big world out there and I will expose her to as many experiences as possible. I will, follow her passions and introduce her to some of my own.
2. That knowledge is power, and create in her, a thirst for learning that can only be quenched with exploration and inquiry.
3. How to build positive and healthy friendships that will be mutually beneficial. 
4. How to be patient, loving and respectful with her family members and herself. 
5. The importance of financial responsibility and help her create plans that are ambitious and attainable.

One of my husband’s mottoes has always been that, in a world full of inconsistent variables one of the only things we can control is ourselves and how we choose to react to people and circumstances. We make big choices for our kids every day, and most of these life-affecting decisions are made before our children are young enough to formulate an opinion. Some choices we mull over for days and consult experts, others we make without even realizing it. However, I agree with my husband, one of the only things we can actually control is the ways we react and the values that we choose to instill in our children through our actions. Still, to all of the parents who like me stay up at night obsessing over these decisions, you are not alone.