When you hear the saying “time flys” it is very accurate. I know moms feel this too because you look at your baby, and now they will be fifteen months old! We are thinking to ourselves, where did all the time go? All those veteran parents around you suggest that your baby should be out of diapers. And you are thinking, “What do I do now”?
You buy a toilet, some books, a chart, stickers, and candy.
Then you buy some underwear and decide to replace your current diapers with pull-ups. These are just diapers that you have to struggle with and now put on when you need to change or dress your child in public or a hurry; as you realize, these pull-ups need to be put on through the legs just like underwear. You must remove everything.
The shoes, the pants, and maybe underwear if you’re one of those parents who insist on your baby “feeling” like a big kid. All of that is to relentlessly push your infant to do what they are probably not even ready to do in the first place.
When I had a moment to reflect, I thought to myself “who are we trying to please?” Our pockets? That’s usually the argument about why you should get your babies out of diapers to cut costs. Or outsiders? They are watching how you parent and like to give unsolicited advice. Who, by the way, usually are the people who contribute nothing to your household. Or is it to stroke your ego to be able to brag to others that you “trained” your infant to pee and poo in the toilet at fifteen months? I am sure these are questions that arise for so many of us out there.
Is this an accomplishment for you? Or your child?
Why am I asking this? Because I was also that parent. The keyword here is “was.” What did I learn, and what did I do? Like the song from the movie Frozen:
“LET IT GOOOOO….. let it GOOOOOOOOOO”
That’s right! I let go of all attachments and expectations I had from my toddler. I started a little later than some parents. She was around two and half years old when I decided to drive myself crazy and make her understand peeing and pooing in a manner unfamiliar to her—all for my selfish motives.
Yes! My selfish motives!
It was all because she didn’t wake up one day and tell me, “hey mom, I think I want to save you money and empty my bowels and bladder in that plastic bin now.”
That was my decision.
It was the first week of no diapers; I was changing her and cleaning pee puddles at least six to eight times during her waking period (she drinks a lot of water), I gave myself an attitude check toward my toddler for not knowing how to hold her pee, and I just told myself “FORGET THIS”…. And let it go. Honestly, I know it can be frustrating and a lot of work sometimes, but we have to give ourselves credit as mothers and realize it’s a process. This means don’t be so hard on yourself and think about your end goal.
I did create a pattern.
It was the best decision I made regarding teaching my daughter how to pee and poo on her own. I watched for cues, caught the pee in the toilet, praised her, and just moved on. I no longer frustrated myself and her with this task.
Our chiropractor once shared with us how she always waited for her kids to let them know when they were ready to use the bathroom on their own. Now I understand why.
Going from being strict and antsy about her going in her toilet to just surrendering to the process and leaving my ego at the door made a whole world of a difference. I no longer stressed had to stress about the progress. I just went with the flow. Even if there was an accident in her underwear, I just changed it or threw it out. If she peed in bed overnight, I just changed the sheets and kept it going. We were impressed she was taking herself to her toilet and event the big one sometimes. She even started giving me dry nights and no accidents on the road!
It took a long time for her to get the poo-poo part down. When it came to that, I found myself right back to placing expectations on her since she was peeing on her own and only wore underwear at this point. Again, I had to let it go and relax. Soon as I stopped looking for those results, she started taking herself to poo too. Now she was able to understand what her body was doing and what to do about it.
Parents! Let’s change that mindset of “training” your kids and switch it to “guiding” them.
Let it go.
If you’re past this stage, what did you do? What would you do differently?