Becoming a mom is an incredible experience. You spend 9 months making a little human, patiently waiting for their arrival, carefully planning how it will all happen. We all know it probably won’t go as planned; but we try to plan anyway because this moment needs to be perfect. I was blessed and had the privilege of giving birth twice and making two beautiful kids. I can tell you, it definitely didn’t go as planned.
My first experience happened the end of 2014. It was midnight and I was having back to back contractions, but I refused to go to the hospital because I feared being sent home. I’d already gone three other times and always was told the same thing, “you’re not ready yet.” My mom was with me and felt like it was too close to push off. So we went and when arriving , found out I was 6 cm dilated. I called baby’s dad and even told some friends I was admitted and it was go time. I was ready and excited and had the two people I wanted there, my mom and my boyfriend. A little bit into it, more people arrived, those two friends I had mentioned I was laboring had shown up. This was one of those moments when you really don’t want anyone to see you and you just want focus time. I couldn’t bring myself to kick them out, but I did ask them to step outside once it was time to push. Having more than my two people was not part of the plan but it happened and I went with it.
It was finally time to push and I was ready for this baby to come naturally or caesarean, whatever the doctor deemed necessary. I had done my research and had set my mind that anything could happen and it would be okay. What I didn’t know was that I could possibly have an episiotomy. Yes, I had talked about. Yes, it was something that came up in research. But everyone told me it was something that only happened with your second baby! After the fact, I went back to those people and they said, “yeahhhh, we didn’t want to freak you out. You live and you learn.
With the second baby, everything was going as planned. Yes, I know, still making a birth plan? Knowing everything could change? It was actually more detailed this time. The first time around, doctor cut the cord. I was determined to have daddy cut it. I also said I was going to not have an epidural, but I changed my mind. I salute you ladies that endure that pain! I bought scents to be more relaxed this time, I had my phone with a playlist ready to just play and help me relax, and I had the three people I needed to be in there. I was even aware that this time, baby wasn’t going to come on his own, I would be induced and I was okay with that. It was time for my epidural and I was ready to feel more comfortable. However, that wasn’t the case. Did you know that there’s something called hot spots? A hot spot is an area that the epidural doesn’t get to – where all the pain just goes to one spot and you feel everything in just that one spot. This hadn’t happened before and I needed some serious relief. I had the baby and the pain faded. Thank goodness! Except for that, everything went as planned and daddy even delivered baby himself! It was definitely a once in a lifetime opportunity!
I thought, “Yes! Everything went as smooth and as close to my birth plan as it could’ve!” And then it happened, I had post partum preeclampsia. Did you even know that existed? My blood pressure was through the roof and I had to be put on magnesium. Let me tell you, breastfeeding and being on a catheder, 3 IV’s and leg compression machines, is not fun! I had my 4 year old at home and ended up in the hospital 7 whole days. I was ready to be home with both my boys and felt so amazing once I was finally discharged.
Yes, my whole ordeal was as horrible as it sounds. Yes, I wish everything would’ve gone as planned. But yes, I’m thankful. Thankful that I’m okay and my babies are okay. And if I did it all over again, yes, I would still write up a birth plan. It was my guide and go to and made me feel sane, like I had a little control even though I knew I had no control. It got me the experience of having my boyfriend deliver our son the second time. It prevented fear of having the episiotomy until it was literally happening. It just made me feel like everything was going to be okay. Mommas don’t be afraid to try to plan stuff out, its great to have a guide. It’s great to have your support system on board with all the things you’d like to happen. Don’t be upset if it doesn’t work out. In the end, it no longer matters. All that matters is that beautiful baby. You got this! Do what makes you feel best. Momma knows best!